Wow... I realized just now that I'd only made six posts in the last year.  Goes to show how much time I spend on Xanga... o_O  I've been myspacing a lot.  I swear it's not my fault!  It really is addictive! x_x

Reading my last post, I have to laugh at myself.  Even in six months I think I've changed so much through love and experience... but what I've realized since then is that deep down, my inner being has never really changed.  I'm still an insecure little girl whose biggest weakness is that I get too attached to people.  Or is it even a weakness..?

Once again... the same survey that will undoubtedly be entirely different.

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: Christian
You wanted to kill?: David Barton
That you laughed at?: Christian
That laughed at you?: Probably Christian... XD
That turned you on?: I had this dream the other night...
You went shopping with?: Kimi
That broke your heart? --
To disappoint you?: David
To ask you out?: Sean, a good while ago
To make you cry?: Well, he didn't MAKE me cry, but I cried ABOUT him... *CLASSIFIED*
To brighten up your day?: Christian
That you thought about?: ...Christian...
You saw a movie with?: Kimi and Pierre
You talked to on the phone?: Evan
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: ...Christian... again...
You saw?: My brother
You lost?: Sean

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: Nope
Will it be with your significant other?: ummm..?
What are you wearing right now?: A shirt, some pajama pants and a PIRATE HAT
Body part you're touching right now: My legs
What are you worried about right now?: All my responsibilities
What book are you reading?: Walking the Color Line
What's on your mousepad?: Cummins Marine
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Cold, content, anxious, in love, embarrassed
Are you bored?: This survey is actually rather entertaining... o_o
Are you tired?: A bit
Are you talking to anyone online?: Christian
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: I will be later
Are you lonely or content?: Both.. content but wishing he were here
Are you listening to music?: In a second it will be the fantabulous Warp!

No one reads this, so I guess I'm talking to myself, but whatever.

You never realize how much you change till you go back and look at yourself from a different time.  People have told me, "Oh, you've changed so much!" and I didn't beileve them until I'd seen it for myself.  For example, I used to think I was cool and mature as a freshman and sophomore, but looking back at my posts and comments I was just like everybody else - a whiny, snivelling, immature... insert noun here.  And I know I'll probably think the same way 5 years from now about my present self.  And the same thing again 10 years from now until who knows when.  Blah.

A question I posted on my DA account, which I've been whoring a lot more than xanga lately:

If you know people who know people who know people, is it possible to mutually know everyone on earth?  Or almost everyone?  Human consciousness is like a web stretching infinitely in all directions.  Or a kaleidoscope.  Or something.

So anyway, I didn't make the All-State choir I tried out for today.   But Kharis did, which makes me happy.  She's really good and she deserved it more than I did.  Go Kharis!  My throat is sore. *coughcough*

I know you never come here anymore, but CONGRATULATIONS JOE!  So have you decided on a name yet?  Cause I think Frankenstein would be great.   I hope your son turns out to be the best kid on earth.  Pimp daddy, you rock my socks. :D

And to you who longs for the one I hold so close to me, fear not.  Hurt not.

Your Band Name is:
The Fearless Suburbanites

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.
You realize that working the system does get you further.
You know who to defer to and who to control.
When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

Again!

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: Dylan
You wanted to kill?: Kathleen Brannen
That you laughed at?: Cody Hicks
That laughed at you?: Stephen
That turned you on?: It's a tie between 3 people who happened to be in the same place.
You went shopping with?: ...erm...?  I don't shop much.
That broke your heart? Nada
To disappoint you?: Chris
To ask you out?: I'm so looonely...
To make you cry?: Starts with a 'Dy', ends with a 'lan'
To brighten up your day?: John McGrew
That you thought about?: Teekel
You saw a movie with?: Chris and Anna
You talked to on the phone?: Me mum
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Anna
You saw?: Evan
You lost?: --

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: I wish I were
Will it be with your significant other?: Perhaps
What are you wearing right now?: Jeans and my Rubber Soul shirt
Body part you're touching right now: My hair
What are you worried about right now?: Asking 'somebody' to homecoming
What book are you reading?: Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales
What's on your mousepad?: Laser mice need no pads, biatch! :D
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Anxious, let-down, friendly, back pain, unrequited.
Are you bored?: Half the time I say I'm bored I'm not really.
Are you tired?: A little
Are you talking to anyone online?:  Nope
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: Not yet
Are you lonely or content?: Lonely at this waking moment
Are you listening to music?: Pink Floyd DSotM

I am SO FREAKING SICK AND TIRED of the conservative right claiming our country was "founded on Christianity" in order to legislate religious ideals thinly disguised as "morality".  What a load of horsecrap.  Our country was founded on the seperation of church and state.  I dare you to go look up just how many of the founding fathers were evangelical Christians.  Funny, right?  Not many.  Our founding fathers wanted to make sure religion played no part in politics.  Our nation is a hodgepodge of people of different nationalities and different religions that boasts the anthem of "Freedom".  What kind of a free nation is it when the Christian majority imposes on the seperation of religion and government of others, when Christian ideals have no place in their lives?  What about the atheists who find nothing at all wrong with not going to church on Sunday, or who could care less about the Ten Commandments.  That isn't to say they have no morals.  They're not bad people.  Religious morality isn't the only morality out there.  Atheists are not pounding at your door with pitchforks, demanding your children as sacrifices.  Jesus titty fucking Christ, I'm not even atheist!  I'm a Christian!!  Sometimes people are blinded by rhetoric and tradition.  Ugghhh, tradition...  And the whole "people weren't meant to be gay" thing...  You know, we aren't the only animals on Earth that have displayed those tendencies.  You may argue that it's a defect, but who's to say having red hair isn't a defect?  People weren't meant to be gay as much as they weren't meant to have red hair.  Religious homophobes who feel the need to put down on the LGBT community and take away their right to enjoy life, eat shit and die, because I'm too tired and lazy to type up something more eloquent at the moment.

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: There was something alive in my room the other night...
You wanted to kill?: David
That you laughed at?: Sean
That laughed at you?: ...probably Sean
That turned you on?: Cole
You went shopping with?: My mom
That broke your heart? Never happened
To disappoint you?: David, Dylan
To ask you out?: No one ever really has
To make you cry?: No one in particular, and it sounds silly but I teared up watching the space movie at the planetarium because it was so... breathtaking
To brighten up your day?: Haven't talked to anyone today, really
That you thought about?: Liz or David
You saw a movie with?: Evan (Aladdin!)
You talked to on the phone?: Evan, I think
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Liz
You saw?: My brother is across the room from me
You lost?: I've never lost anyone close to me in death

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: Kind of...
Will it be with your significant other?: Duh...
What are you wearing right now?: A Union Jack t-shirt (<3 Britain!) and shorts
Body part you're touching right now: My legs
What are you worried about right now?: Getting David's birthday present to him (it kicks ASS)
What book are you reading?: I just finished "Bad Astronomy", that was a good one
What's on your mousepad?: Laser mouse!!  No pad needed!! :D
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Full, lazy, anxious, blah, angry
Are you bored?: Not really, I'm easily occupied
Are you tired?: Not really, but I could go to sleep whenever I wanted
Are you talking to anyone online?:  Nope
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No
Are you lonely or content?: Content, but I have to go to the bathroom ><
Are you listening to music?: Guild Wars background music